Lost in the Reflection

i am grammatically challenged.

Just Things January 8, 2012

Filed under: NOTE TO SELF — lostinthereflection @ 6:56 PM
Tags: , , ,

This ONE has been in my head and I haaaaad to get it out before I imploded.

This holiday got me thinking… a few years back, my sister discovered a cassette tape from Christmas 1979.  She was 10 years old, I was 19 months old (do the math.  Nine years apart).  That Christmas o’79, my sister received a cassette recorder & microphone.  She proceeded to interview my mom and dad and that was the cassette tape she discovered.  She played mom & I that tape.  I was 28 years old & that was the FIRST time I heard my father’s voice.  Dad was 6’2″, slender and handsome.  I always assumed his voice was a deep one; something that matched his towering stature.  I was so wrong.  The voice that emitted from those speakers, was this soft, gentle voice.  Dad passed away 4 1/2 months after Christmas 1979.  It was 10 days before my second birthday.  

He passed away one month after this photo. P.s. That's baby me 1year, 11months.

Here’s where I’m going with this:  My daughter was born just a matter of weeks before my birthday.  Seeing her grow & develop, creates an image of ME when I was that age.  How Christmas for her this year differed from last year.  She was a little more involved and easily WOWED.  Last year?  Not so much of anything but an 8month old blimp in a Bumbo seat.  It makes me think about how I was at this age (19months/20 months).  It was the last Christmas with my dad, and him with me.  Thinking of this makes me cherish EVERY FREAKING MOMENT.  Makes me wonder if dad KNEW this was possibly his last Christmas.  He had the cancer.  Dad was 34 when he died.  This May, I turn 34.  

I CAN’T IMAGINE CHECKING OUT NOW.

My daughter @ 16months, along with myself & husband.

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2 Responses to “Just Things”

  1. Jen Says:

    Shew, this one got me. I lost my mom when I was 22 from cancer. I can not even imagine losing her before I even got to know her. That is awesome you have that recording of his voice. I have videos of my mom from when I was little and it’s weird to hear her and see her. I don’t watch them often – it’s a bit much to bear most times. I love seeing all your pics and whatnot of you and your little girl. You are an amazing mom and she is so lucky to have you! Anyway, I’m usually just a lurker but I had to comment. hugs

  2. I’ve always wondered about your background but too distant to ask. WOW. Your mom is amazing and how fuckign RAD that you could hear his voice again!


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