Lost in the Reflection

i am grammatically challenged.

I don’t know about you. . . April 24, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — lostinthereflection @ 8:54 PM

Life takes us down all sorts of trails.  Duh.  We know this.

WHen I was 7 years old, I KNEW I would be a Maryland State Police Officer one day.  Here I sit.  1/2way through college & a quitter.  And I’ve never been MSP.  It gets me choked-up just thinking about it (not being an officer).  IT WAS MY DREAMMMMMMMM.  There was a point in my life that FOREVER bleep’d up the MSP thing & that is probably the only situation I regret.  Oh, and maybe dating the creep I mentioned in the preceding post.  Whatevs.

Back on it– Life.  Where we go with it.  Where we are currently.  How we got here.

I can say I’m pretty content for once in my life.  Sure, I’m selfish some days and want my single life-living in a basement-driving a shitty ’96 rusted-out jetta– days back.  SHIT, WHO WOULDN’T!! AMIRITE?!  It was sheer bliss.  

But yeah.  I never expected myself to be married.  Paying a mortgage.  Rearing a child.  I never expected it in the first place, so if those things didn’t happen for me, I wouldn’t be so disappointed.  I do that a lot.  I refuse to set myself up for disappointment.  It’s easier that way.

But yeah, some people want diamonds, cars and clothes.  Fancy house.  Fancy school for their unborn children.  Not me.  

I don’t have a lot of loot stacks.  I don’t drive fancy mobiles.  I don’t have a fancy house.  I don’t have fancy hair or clothes.  I’m simple.  I love my house.  I love my car.  Oh right, I love my cat, husband and clone.  I love my GAP jeans, cat-chewed flip flops & Target Tank Tops.  It makes getting dressed easy & people know what to expect.  If it’s cold, expect me to add a sweater.

I had 2 killer relationships in my lifetime.  I mean, KILLLLLED ME.  ALL the seizure-like crying tantrums took years off my life.  2 guys did that to me; I’m married to one of them (the best one).  

I know the latter is living the life he foresaw for himself.  To the T.  He got what he wanted & I would not have been able to provide that for him.  It wasn’t MY vision.

I knew I’d be with my husband, because it was what I saw for MYSELF.  I saw OUR daughter.  I saw me return to my hippy-chill ways & not so much rock-n-roll.  I’m happy where I am & the decisions I made.  He & she are exactly what I wanted.

…now the school thing…

For the first time EVERRRRRR, I applied for financial monies & I got some!  HOLY *$%&@#@#

Do I finish up my fine arts?  Digital Imaging/Commercial Photography/Ceramics?

or Accounting again.

or Mortuary Science again (I’d intern while simultaneously taking classes & finish in a year)

Or just take random classes, because my current job is hella easy =)


2 Responses to “I don’t know about you. . .”

  1. Debb Says:

    So no more NP concert? =(

  2. lostinthereflection Says:

    Oh hell! I ain’t tradin’ NP for any tofuwheatgerm nuggets, EVER!
    I may be getting rid of the booty shorts, but I’m hanging onto my fishnets & stilettos =)

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