Life takes us down all sorts of trails. Duh. We know this.
WHen I was 7 years old, I KNEW I would be a Maryland State Police Officer one day. Here I sit. 1/2way through college & a quitter. And I’ve never been MSP. It gets me choked-up just thinking about it (not being an officer). IT WAS MY DREAMMMMMMMM. There was a point in my life that FOREVER bleep’d up the MSP thing & that is probably the only situation I regret. Oh, and maybe dating the creep I mentioned in the preceding post. Whatevs.
Back on it– Life. Where we go with it. Where we are currently. How we got here.
I can say I’m pretty content for once in my life. Sure, I’m selfish some days and want my single life-living in a basement-driving a shitty ’96 rusted-out jetta– days back. SHIT, WHO WOULDN’T!! AMIRITE?! It was sheer bliss.
But yeah. I never expected myself to be married. Paying a mortgage. Rearing a child. I never expected it in the first place, so if those things didn’t happen for me, I wouldn’t be so disappointed. I do that a lot. I refuse to set myself up for disappointment. It’s easier that way.
But yeah, some people want diamonds, cars and clothes. Fancy house. Fancy school for their unborn children. Not me.
I don’t have a lot of loot stacks. I don’t drive fancy mobiles. I don’t have a fancy house. I don’t have fancy hair or clothes. I’m simple. I love my house. I love my car. Oh right, I love my cat, husband and clone. I love my GAP jeans, cat-chewed flip flops & Target Tank Tops. It makes getting dressed easy & people know what to expect. If it’s cold, expect me to add a sweater.
I had 2 killer relationships in my lifetime. I mean, KILLLLLED ME. ALL the seizure-like crying tantrums took years off my life. 2 guys did that to me; I’m married to one of them (the best one).
I know the latter is living the life he foresaw for himself. To the T. He got what he wanted & I would not have been able to provide that for him. It wasn’t MY vision.
I knew I’d be with my husband, because it was what I saw for MYSELF. I saw OUR daughter. I saw me return to my hippy-chill ways & not so much rock-n-roll. I’m happy where I am & the decisions I made. He & she are exactly what I wanted.
…now the school thing…
For the first time EVERRRRRR, I applied for financial monies & I got some! HOLY *$%&@#@#
Do I finish up my fine arts? Digital Imaging/Commercial Photography/Ceramics?
or Accounting again.
or Mortuary Science again (I’d intern while simultaneously taking classes & finish in a year)
Or just take random classes, because my current job is hella easy =)